Friday, April 07, 2006

Families Are Strangers To Each Other

As I look around for things to be grateful for, the foremost is that I don't need a kidney. Now that would really suck because there would be no help available from a blood relative.

Secondly, I am grateful to the people I am not related to. They seem to be nicer and actually like me for me, not for whatever role needs to be filled at that moment.

Thirdly, I will enter my 50's unencumbered by baggage of a family that has nothing better to do with its time than to talk about who's worst and most likely to come to a bad end. This last incident has really shaken my mom, I doubt she will see me turn 50 and that is in less than two months.

Fourth, I have always wanted to be an orphan. I can remember before first grade thinking that would be really cool and not much has changed since then, except that no one can twist a knife like a family member.

What is really funny about all this? They think that I think they are perfect, like they have never made a mistake. No, it just means that I kept quiet every time they screwed over people in the name of principle. Many, many times they were a disappointment that we talked about among ourselves, understanding that everybody has their own life to live and that most times we aren't going to approve, but it is none of our business and we haven't walked a mile in their shoes, so it was none of our business.

I didn't realize those rules applied to me until after my dad died and my baby brothers assumed the role of God. And not a benevolent one either. To steal everything that your father had left your mother, be willing to leave her homeless because you haven't made one effort in 15 years to be of emotional support and then blame it on the only person who would be willing to crawl through a mine infested desert to bring her water takes a coldness that I am not capable of.

In my family if you don't do as the boys "suggest", then you are "wrong". I proudly wear that badge and will until the day it is all over. Supposedly that will give me six months at then end of my life. One can hope. Stats aren't always right.

No comments:

Post a Comment