Wednesday, April 19, 2006

Last Words on this subject

I was conversing with several therapists over this situation and their solution was...RUN. My brothers are incapable of changing their minds, determined that only they are right and that conversation with the people who deal with my mom on a daily basis is a waste of time. This time they made the mistake of having witnesses to their behavior and I have more local support than I ever though possible. To those people I say, thank you.

I am so grateful that I never had children. What would possess supposedly grown men (40s) to intimidate their mother, leave her shaking and in tears, switch her checking account, which I had privileges on and also deposited my check into, made no provisions for transferring her Secure Horizons (guess she doesn't need health insurance at her age, dotting I's and crossing T's isn't important when you are focused on revenge), left us stranded with no access to our money, no check card or printed checks and think they are helping? With a few days to go, they actually made the situation worse and wasted a whole day of my time and something that a friend had put together to help us out.

They ganged up on her at breakfast yesterday and just kept hammering her about how I was ruining her life, blah, blah. blah. Not that they have done a thing but control her, no holidays and no fun. After six years they still can't remember her days off and make no effort to be a part of her life, just make her an extension of theirs when needed. I do something nice for my mom EVERY day just because she is my mom, all I ever see them do is criticize (sort of like my dad treated her, old habits die hard), stranding her in the middle of nowhere with no support system but them and then deserting her there. My dad must be spinning in his grave. This is the period in her life when she should be having fun that she determines and not them. What she wants is what she gets. For as long as I can. That is my job until she is gone, just like I promised my dad. I never blow smoke up her skirt just to get her to do what I want, which is for her to be happy.

They want her to quit her job and go into a senior's facility or live with them in Windsor under their dog of her own, no smoking, no two beers a night and turn over her SSN for their disbursement to her, no working. I'm not happy with mom working as a cashier, but it keeps her going. There aren't too many 75 year old women on two meds a day, one for a thyroid that was removed a few years ago and one blood pressure regulator. She has no diabetes and an iron grip, can do more work in a day than most in a week and is the best survivor I know. I control her health through her diet which involves time, thought, and effort on a daily basis, something I gladly provide since I have the knowledge.

My brothers have no idea (nor did they care) that they were trying to force her to make the same choice with her children that the Nazi's used to pull during her youth. Sophie's Choice. I feel so sorry for her, I told her if she went up there that they might take better care of her, but then my baby brother accused me of trying to manipulate her into doing what they wanted. Sheesh! If an asteroid hit the moon, broke off a piece and landed on our apartment, it would be my fault for having lived in the house.

I can't win and I can't get away from them until after mom passes and with their wonderful help, consideration and interference it will probably be sooner rather than later. Those letters I sent from my brother, (yes, I sent them to a retired therapist for his opinion, LOL), brother now is refusing to help me with anything because I didn't do it his way. This involved knowledge that he already has, no money. Whatever. Turned around and walked off like I didn't exist anymore than a bug that must be squashed. Came back later until the argument devolved into the punctuation on my blog. I left and have no plans to ever see them again.

My solution to the situation of being homeless isn't perfect (and anybody that thinks it is needs some kind of mental help), but it is temporary and will allow us to make progress towards some other goals.. They were and are so focused on controlling her that they forgot who she is and what she wanted. I don't know what other of the Ten Commandments they have broken, but honoring thy father and thy mother is a big one and one that my generation seems to have forgotten. They have thrown serious objects (trying to help make it worse) in my way for a job that had big potential, but I have had to waste so much money and time fighting this battle and trying to get ready that I wonder if I want to stay in the area. Way too expensive here and I would rather work with people that need my help instead of being a "designer" acupuncturist.

My recent stay in the hospital has shown me that there are things I can do to help improve recovery time. I hope so because a friend of mine is undergoing serious surgery this morning and I want to do all I can to help him recover quickly, not alone like I did.

While the Republicans worry about the breakdown of the family unit (mustn't be raised by gays, orphanages and judgmental churches are much better) I am living it, and it is my generation not just my family. For some reason as soon as parents can't help you out monetarily, they cease to exist as your parents and become old people that are in your way. When my father first heard "Cats in the cradle" he knew that was what was going to be his relationship with his sons. He wasn't wrong. For my mom it is "Grandma got run over by a reindeer" without the blue hair or presents and for me my brothers would prefer "They are coming to take me away".

This is a sad state of affairs, one that no parent should ever have to put up with. Help should be just that, help. If we wanted organized misery there is always the government to provide it on a daily basis. In uniform.

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