Thursday, June 26, 2008

The Founding Fathers Go Down In A Hail Of Bullets

All that fighting and dying during the Revolutionary War was for nothing. The new boss is just like the old boss that they risked everything to get rid of.

Amendment One

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances. We can complain about being screwed and the Government will stop the bad behavior. Wow, what a cool idea.

Amendment Two

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed. A militia is no longer necessary, shoot at will. So what if innocents death by gunfire increases? It isn't as if Virginia Tech, Columbine or Charles Whitman were isolated instances. It's much more important that some gap toothed, banjo playing idiots have the right to own a gun even though murder is illegal and very few people hunt for their dinner. You just know they'll be out celebrating and shooting their guns into the air with no concept of gravity.

Amendment Three

No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law. How quaint. I'm sure that the Supremes will find some way around that. Maybe political officers to make sure that you don't complain about the government while in your own home.

Amendment Four

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures , shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. That's been toast for a while and the new telecom bill will ensure that you are monitored from birth to grave. I guess they won't need those political officers after all.

Amendment Five

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation. Starting with making kids pee in a cup in school to the political prisoners in Guantanamo, the only part of this amendment that is still valid only useful if you've done something wrong and have to testify before Congress.

Amendment Six

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence. Unless you are in Guantanamo or have the misfortune to be either brown or poor. Then you're guilty because the prosecutor said so, so there's no need for fair trial.

Amendment Seven

In Suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise re-examined in any Court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law. Since when?

Amendment Eight

Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted. Unless you are a person of color or a child molester. Bobby Jindal could give a flying crap about those who rape women, but he wants to chemically castrate child rapists since the Supremes said you can't kill them.

Amendment Nine

The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. But 9/11 changed everything, didn't it? Our rights need to be constrained because we need to be protected from the latest bogeyman and the little people would only get in the way of bringing "justice". Besides, if you haven't done anything wrong you have nothing to worry about, do you? And if the government says it's wrong tomorrow, well you should have known better.

Amendment Ten

The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people. Unless it imperils the drug companies.

Freedom of speech has been restricted, we practice cruel and unusual punishment, the rights of the people to hold assemblies is being limited, the press rolls over bet than Fido, the government doesn't listen to the people who elected them and the average American neither knows the rights they used to have or why they were written down and ratified in the first place. What a fucked up country we have become.


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