If Only

I could think as fast as this person did. I hate stupid questions and honestly do try to restrict my answers but sometimes one just has to respond. I'm still snickering. Reprinted form Alternate Brain because it is just that good.

I have three dogs and I was buying a large bag of Meaty Bites at Big Wand standing in line at the check out.

The woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Meaty Bites Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 20 kilos before I woke up in intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Meaty Bites and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.

I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid broad... why else would I buy dog food??]

'Cause ya got company comin'? Put toothpicks in the kibbles, they'll never know the difference...

Can't you just see the people who were standing in line trying to retell this story to their friends?