Tuesday, September 09, 2008

As Some Of You May Have Surmised

I have lost my interest in what passes for politics in this country.  It's the same old thing everyday, except worse. Issues are passe. Logical thinking has gone out the window and all that is left are lies, innuendo, cover-ups, stupidity, name calling, and downright bullshit.  We are going to have four more years of the same old shit, except that the country will be in worse shape than it is now.

In another four years, this country will be so unrecognizable that they will probably change the name, just like they do with any other product that has lost its market share and the crew without a clue will think that the citizenry will fall for anything pretty and shiny.  Which we do. Our country will effectively be the New Coke.  And we all know how well that didn't turn out.

While Fannie, Freddie, and Bear Stearns get bailouts for playing with the country's future and making tons of money for their executives, the rest of us are quickly sinking in quicksand.  I'm down to my nose at this point, which has the advantage of blocking the smell of the crap flying through the air, but breathing is becoming difficult and eating is out of the question.

Freedom isn't the last thing you lose, hope is.  I always thought I would be immune since I come from stock that was either ruled by one of the world's worst dictators (Hitler), and on the other side trampled underfoot by a country that disregards the achievements of those who are not considered white. I was wrong. I'm drowning in a Depression (like a good portion of America) that was specifically engineered to make those at the top rich and happy while creating a stable bottom of an uneducated underclass that will toil for the rest of their short lives (due to poor medical care they can't afford and schooling that consists of a book of fiction handed down for generations under the guise of religion) until they are replaced by younger versions of themselves with even less thinking ability.

Many years ago my father asked me if the blacks in Africa were smarter than the blacks in America.  I, being a true blue American, answered the blacks in America were smarter because we had education and opportunities that Africans lacked.  His response was that any slaves in America that showed initiative or intelligence were culled from the herd so their genes wouldn't be passed down.  It's now forty years later and the proof is in the pudding.  Even without the nose ring we are being led down the path of our destruction, placing the stones so the next generation will have an easier slide downhill. And the sad part? You don't have to be black to be considered one of the untouchables.

The Republicans got what they wanted, a black candidate to run against.  They didn't want to run against Hillary because there was nothing they could throw at her that hadn't already been thrown.  For the last eight years what passes for news has been preoccupied with pretty white women who have disappeared and now they have a candidate who fits all their criteria for newsworthiness except that she isn't missing and is being touted as a savior from the black Messiah.  And guess who's falling for it, the average television watcher who hasn't had an original thought in the last eight years that wasn't spoon fed to them from some pundit that was being paid by the administration.

I've watched my life go up in flames while I was busy doing all the things (getting my Masters with a school loan I can't repay) they said would give me a good career and enable me to be part of the ownership society.  Little did I know that what they really wanted was for me to be so far in debt ($99K and counting for a skill that I can't use) that slavery would look good by comparison and that I would be the one who was owned, not an owner.  It says a lot about the loss of the American dream when one hopes that their mother passes before she has to spend the end of her life under the same conditions in which she came into the world.  A major Depression, a nutjob for a leader and a country that has lost its way so badly that it couldn't find the way back to the American dream with a map, two hands and a flashlight.

Am I depressed?  You betcha.  Will drugs help?  No, but they might prevent me from caring so much.  But that is all beside the point, with no job, no health insurance and no prospects, I wouldn't be able to afford them anyway. All I have that lets me know I'm alive are the incessant phone calls from creditors (those will stop soon, once the phone is turned off), the bills beseeching threatening me with dire consequences to pay them when my bank balance is negative ($-37.46 at the moment and for the next few weeks), no gas in the car (it's just below E and I don't think that means enough) and watching my passive aggressive mother slip deeper into dementia. If I'm gone longer than an hour or two, the mischief she creates undoes any relaxation I might have found. You know your life is teetering on the edge of a precipice when you consider grocery shopping to be relaxation and the tons of email you get consist of thousands of payday loan applications. And you read them hoping they will help. No wonder loan sharks are going out of business. Even they think 200% interest is a little high.

Was my life better off eight years ago? Yes, yes, yes. I was doing so well that I was able to afford the $857 a month to pay off my school loan. Now, I don't even make $857 a month. Maybe in another state I could afford to live on so little, but California isn't one of them. And it isn't wise to upset a person with dementia (at the moment that would be mom, but something tells me I'm not going to be far behind) with a new environment.

Change is definitely coming, but people have forgotten that change isn't always good. And that getting what you think you want, isn't always as good for you as you think it is.

What I wouldn't give to have a good laugh, one that isn't at anybody's expense and truly comes from the heart.


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