Wednesday, January 07, 2009

Don't Know What To Do

I guess I could file a missing person's report with the police but I'm really hoping to avoid that. Mom must have dialed Keith's number at least five times on Christmas and New Year's and listened to the recording that said that number was no longer in service. How can someone be so cruel to their own mother? Especially a mother who never beat him (no matter how many times he deserved it), gave him her last dime to buy candy from the ice cream truck, and is willing to forgive him anything.

Keith, is this really what you want? To lose your mother and not find out for days, weeks or years because you let your pride get in the way? You won't know where she is buried or if I had her cremated because I couldn't afford anything else so you can pay your last respects. Which is kind of funny since you haven't paid her any respect at all in so many years that I've forgotten what it was you did.

How do you live with yourself? I've always thought you were the fragile one in the family and usually try to avoid hurting your feelings because I thought you might hurt yourself. Every day that goes by without your communicating with her makes me care less and less.

Please grow up before it's too late.


  1. Hi Deb. It's a sad situation, but don't take it too personally- as weird as that might sound. In my family, I had an uncle who basically never came home again after the war- WW@ that is. My grandparents would try and connect with him, they new he was in California. Every year my grandfather would go to the Armistice Day (Remembrance Day in Canada) ceremonies to try and see if he could find him. They never did. My other uncle would hear from him once in a while. There was no real issues between them. He just was fucked up I guess. My grandparents both died without ever seeing him again. Sad is not the word for it. I guess I just wanted to try and make you feel less alone in this situation. Keith- if you read this- grow up and call your mother- you useless fuck! Rick J

  2. Thanks Rick. I'm not really taking it personally other than it is making it harder to give my mother the quality of life that she deserves. She hasn't had a decent break since she was born and I don't want her to die under the same circumstances.

    The really sad part is that I was the one who was constantly spanked, put on restriction, etc. I now it's difficult talking to her but it is much easier if you do it on a regular basis. I'm just frustrated and it's breaking my heart to see her waste away, lonely and unloved after everything she has done for people in her life.

    And you know what the best part is? I catch shit from everyone around here when I leave to go to the store or to the movies. What if she gets hurt, who's going to feed her, etc. Like I'm not supposed to have a life (unless it's filled with guilt) until she's gone and by then everyone I've known will have moved on and since I've been the spinster sister that took care of everything by myself, my future will be the same as hers. Except lonelier since I won't have someone like me to take care of me.

    Gee, I can hardly wait.

  3. I have plenty of trouble with my sister, so I can relate.

    It's a small thing, but when it's your time you can at least go knowing you did all that you could do for mom.

    Keith...not so much.

  4. Well then, I certainly hope I go out suddenly with a heart attack like my dad because if I follow mom's path and end up with dementia, I'll be homeless wandering the streets and I won't even know it.

    Besides giving up my present, my future is gone because I haven't earned enough for whatever joke they call Social Security, I don't have a 401K (but at least I haven't been under the delusion that I was saving for retirement just to watch it go poof! in the stock market) and while I never wanted children I will miss not having grandchildren. As for nephews, they take after their uncle.