Monday, August 10, 2009

Of Men And Dogs

I've tried to resist writing about George Sodini because just like the man who shot John Lennon (and yes I know his name but refuse to use it) he shouldn't be glorified and he shouldn't receive in death what he couldn't achieve in life.  I feel no sympathy for the man or his dating issues and it most certainly isn't my fault or any other woman on the planet that he didn't have dates or get laid.  Because one has outdoor plumbing doesn't automatically entitle one to be a success with the opposite sex and it certainly doesn't mean women are emasculating, dominating or contemptuous if they aren't interested in you (beware, the link belongs to an angry wackjob site that hates women, which is obvious by the language they use to describe us).  It could mean that you are a little weird and women feel uncomfortable around you.  Which is more your problem than theirs.  And hating women because you feel rejected is not likely to increase your chances of dating success.

In my own life I learned many years ago that men were interested in me for mainly one reason and it was located south of their belt buckle.  A girl can get tired of that sort of thing, which I did, and take herself off the market.  Which I also did.  I wasn't put here to make men happy just as men weren't put here to make me happy but that doesn't give me the right to blame the opposite sex for their lack of interest in me as a person.  And it most certainly doesn't give me the right to take someone else's life out of frustration.

Speaking of dogs, they might not be as smart as a fifth grader but they can be pretty darn smart when they need to be.  When Shai was a puppy she knew all her toys by name and would bring the proper one when asked.  She also has emotions that are easily recognizable, the two most prominent being happiness and disgust. She's really good at letting me know when I don't live up to her expectations or aren't reading her mind correctly.  What I want to know is how my dogs know I've decided to take them to the park while I'm typing at the computer.  Without moving or stopping my typing they all of a sudden start running back and forth, barking at their leash, looking at the doggie bags and pawing at the front door.  Very strange.

And in the interest of being fair, since I picked on cats last week, here is how to take a puppy picture.
1. Remove film from box and load camera.
2. Remove film box from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
3. Remove puppy from trash and brush coffee grounds from muzzle.
4. Choose a suitable background for photo.
5. Mount camera on tripod and focus.
6. Find puppy and take dirty sock from mouth.
7. Place puppy in pre-focused spot and return to camera.
8. Forget about spot and crawl after puppy on knees.
9. Focus with one hand and fend off puppy with other hand.
10. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens.
11. Take flash cube from puppy's mouth and throw in trash.
12. Put cat outside and put peroxide on the scratch on puppy's nose.
13. Put magazines back on coffee table.
14. Try to get puppy's attention by squeaking toy over your head.
15. Replace your glasses and check camera for damage.
16. Jump up in time to grab puppy by scruff of neck and say, "No, outside! No, outside!"
17. Clean up mess.
18. Fix a drink.
19. Sit back in Lazy Boy with drink and resolve to teach puppy "sit" and "stay" the first thing in the morning.
My dogs don't present with these issues, they are hams of the first order and as soon as they see a camera they stop doing whatever cute thing it was that made me find the camera and start posing.


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