With A Sad And Heavy Heart

A few weeks ago mom had to be admitted to the hospital by way of the emergency room.  She was suffering from uncontrolled bleeding and had no control over her bowels.  During her one week stay a mass was discovered in her bladder during one of the many tests she was forced to endure.

Since she is eighty years old her wishes and mine were that no extraordinary measures be taken.  She is in the wonderful care of hospice and her treatments are palliative in nature.  I cannot begin to describe the agony I feel.  Every day I watch more of her slip away.  Shai Shai only leaves her side if Shadow is there to keep her company while Shai takes care of her bodily functions.  Hospice feels Mm has a few weeks, but the dogs don't think so and I trust their judgment more.

Mom is barely eating (jello, soup and apple cider), her ability to communicate is extremely diminished and the pain meds keep her in the twilight zone most of the day. Mom may have three children and four grandsons but I'm the only one she sees.  And I can't stress enough how lonely and abandoned both she and I feel.  She was a good mother and doesn't deserve to be thrown out like yesterday's trash.

I'm working on her obituary, but I have no funds to bury her properly or to keep a roof over my head once she''s gone.  I am really going to miss her, I just wish I could strop crying.  What am I going to do without her?

BBB